There was a trend for television shows in the 2000s to have a musical episode, in which a single episode would follow the musical genre format in its allotted time, rather than the comedy or drama genre format. The television show Scrubs followed this trend and had a musical episode in its sixth season.
The episode was about Patti Miller (Stephanie D’Abruzzo) who passes out in the park and all of a sudden constantly hears music and can hear words as sung, rather than spoken. Whenever events are shown through Patti’s point of view, there is a musical number. The episode is one of the most notable musical episodes of the 2000s, with notable songs and lyrics. Here are the 10 best lyrics from the musical episode of Scrubs.
“Sorry, But Even I Know She’s Dominican.”
This is The Todd’s (Robert Maschio) one line in the song “For the Last Time, I’m Dominican,” which is primarily sung by Carla (Judy Reyes) and Turk (Donald Faison). Carla is frustrated with Turk because he never seems to remember that her family is Dominican. He instead tends to call her Mexican or Puerto Rican, the latter of which he called her just before she started singing.
Turk was coming up with excuses for why he couldn’t remember his wife’s heritage during the song, one of which was that no one had time to keep up with such things. The Todd then swooped in and delivered this line. When The Todd, who is known as a womanizer, knows more than your wife than you do, you know you’ve messed up.
“Shut Your Cakehole Mary Beth, Or I Swear To God I’ll Shut It Soon.”
This is a line delivered by Patti in “The Rant Song.” In the song, Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) delivers one of his signature rants to J.D. (Zach Braff), calling him female names and insulting his competency as a doctor, among other things. Interspersed within the rant, Patti asks for Dr. Cox’s help, insisting that she is not crazy and that there is a physical reason why she can only hear in song.
Dr. Cox told her he’d help her on one condition, and, at that point, she delivered this insult to J.D. It is a line we’d expect from Dr. Cox, but that fact that it came from a minor character made it all the more memorable.
“Do You Still Hear People Sing?”
This is a line sung by J.D. to Patti when prepping her for a CAT Scan in the song “When The Truth Comes Out.” He asked her if she still heard people sing to check to see that he still needed to run the test.
The song itself is a parody of “Do You Hear The People Sing?” from Les Miserables. Because the melody and music mimic the melody and music of the song, the audience knows that this song was going to parody the iconic Les Miserables song. However, J.D.’s question emphasizes that point in case audiences did not catch the instrumental melodies beforehand.
“Your World Has Become A Musical And Your Doctors Speak In Rhymes.”
This is another line from “When the Truth Comes Out.” At this point in the song, pretty much the entire hospital is taking Patti back to her room after receiving her CAT Scan. The doctors are essentially telling her they’re glad to help her, and that she is better off knowing since her condition has caused her to hear music and singing.
This line is also a meta moment for the show. Scrubs tends to be meta with J.D. or another character addressing the audience directly. This time, the meta moment comes from the episode referencing itself in a song.
“For The Last Time, Turk, I’m Dominican.”
This line has variations of it repeated by Carla in the song “For the Last Time, I’m Dominican.” Carla, who has been dealing with Turk’s ignorance about her heritage for six years, and three of which they were married. From the song, the audience and Carla learn that Turk does not actually know, or remember, details about Carla.
No one should have to put up with such ignorance from a partner of six years, especially after having told him the information for which she asks. This line is great because it means Carla has had enough and is going to make Turk own his mistakes as he should.
“Though I’m Proud To Call You Chocolate Bear,/ The Crowd Will Always Talk And Stare.”
This line is sung by J.D. in the most notable song from the musical episode: “Guy Love.” It is the opening line to the song, in which J.D. approaches Turk to become all touchy-feely immediately after Elliott told Carla that the two men wouldn’t exactly because they are men.
J.D.’s opening line turns Elliot’s statement, and toxic male stereotypes, on their heads by showing that cisgender straight guys can, in fact, have positive emotional relationships and express those emotions as well. The emotion behind it is also quintessential to J.D. and Turk’s relationship, making them the perfect duo to make this statement. The only thing wrong with this line is J.D. calling Turk “chocolate bear,” which may be considered racially insensitive, even though Turk apparently gave J.D. permission to call him that.
“The Answer’s Not In Your Head, My Dear, It’s In Your Butt.”
Turk, J.D., and Patti sing this song with a chorus of doctors and patients. At the beginning of the song, J.D. and Turk ask Patti for a stool sample, and she questions why since the doctors just think that she’s crazy. This line is their answer.
It is basically a song made entirely of poop and butt jokes and puns, making the humor more juvenile but still fun. When looking through a juvenile humor lens, there are plenty of great lyrics written for the song, but J.D. and Turk’s initial answer is definitely the funniest.
“And That’s Dr. Kelso, The Kiss-A** Of Sacred Heart.”
As Patti arrives at the hospital, the staff sings the song “Welcome to Sacred Heart,” in which they introduce themselves and the hospital’s services. Dr. Kelso introduces Dr. Cox to Patti, and Dr. Cox reciprocates by introducing Dr. Kelso in a very Dr. Cox way, delivering one of the funniest lines of the song.
One of the best parts of Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso’s dynamic is that they are quick to call each other out. This line gives the audience what they want and also says that just because this episode is a musical, doesn’t mean that the characters or their dynamics will differ.
“We’ve Got Drugs To Calm You Down So You Don’t Stress About Your Fate.”
This is yet another line from “When the Truth Comes Out.” Turk sings it to Patti after she received her CAT Scan and J.D. informed her that they were waiting on the results.
What makes this line so great is that it is a direct comment on the pharmaceutical industry and its enthusiasm to distribute prescription drugs (and make a profit). There’s no doubt that Patti is stressed about the results, as anyone would be, but the doctors could not entirely predict that the tests would be a long-term stressor meaning that drugs are unnecessary.
“Guy Love, That’s All It Is/ Guy Love, He’s Mine; I’m His.”
This line is part of the chorus to “Guy Love” which is probably the most identifiable part of the song. J.D. and Turk sing this part together. The whole song is about people judging the men for being so close, but as stated before, this song and J.D. and Turk’s friendship are to show that it is normal for men to have emotions.
The next most identifiable line in the song is “Guy love between two guys” which is unfortunately too similar to the listed line to also be included in this list.
Next: Scrubs: Dr. Cox’s 10 Best Insults
